Like some of you, I haven't visited this site for a couple of years either, but today, this was the first address I rushed to when I heard the news.
I won't repeat the shock, sadness, grief, disbelief etc that all of us are feeling and that all of you have so eloquently written - I know that we are going through the same emotions.
But I do want to say this:
The people around Scott were either enablers not wanting to deal with a depressed Scott so would rather have him danger his life. Or, they were in complete denial, which is what Jamie sounds like according to TMZ. There is no way anyone can listen to Scotts interview or see him after shows and not know that there's a serious problem, be it alcohol, cocaine or prescription drugs. I get that noone could have saved Scott except for Scott, but for years now he had been expressing his battles with bipolar and his lack of control of his drinking. Every important interview, his book - he aways talked about this. He was saying how he was counting sober days and that he hoped he would stay on the wagon. If thats not a cry for help I don't know what is.
Anyway, I don't want to rant about this as I guess it doesn't matter any more. I saw him last in Austin in March and met him after the show. Actually I met Jeremy first, and he passed away a couple of days later, which shook me up a lot. Jeremy looked sad. He asked for a cigarette, I gave him one, told him it was a good show (it wasn't) and I asked him if he was ok. He said yeah, but just as we were talking, Scott came out and I was distracted. When I turned round, Jeremy was walking away alone down a side street. That image haunted me for a long time.
When I met Scott, he was basically the same as that last radio interview. Glazed. It was scary and sad. I had presumed he had been happy due to his marriage for the last few years (jamie was there too when I met him) and it made me happy that he had found love again. But how on earth do the people around him not realise that he was a ticking bomb. He shouldn't have been allowed to do this tour. I would think that the small audiences also pissed him off so he drunk or popped pills whatever to feel better. It was just not condusive to his heath.
Anyway, I digress again. I can't listen to the songs. I can't bring myself to watch the video I recorded from the front row of Jeremy and Scott performing Circles. To think that they have now both gone is tragic, and that beautiful song is just a haunting memory that there are no more angels to save him.
Right now, I can almost taste the air of my room all those many years ago as I watched MTV Unplugged for the first time. I close my eyes and I'm right there, looking at this boy singing beautiful songs with beautiful lyrics on a rocking chair, as something connects within me, amidst the dulled colors of the early 90s and the Real World episodes and Aeosmith videos and River Phoenix and everything about him is everythinf I had been looking for. I'm back there, aged 15, in my grey cardigan, watching this boy, knowing that I'll be watching more of him, but not yet knowing that he will be in my life, every day, for the next 20+ years.
F*ck this hurts. RIP Scott. Thanks for everything.
